Self-centering - But not the egotistical kind...

So, it's been several months since I've taken the time to write on this blog. My apologies, to myself and you, for not being more mindful of my needs to write. Or at least to write in my true voice. I took a hiatus in the attempts to go a different route with my writing, and my purpose. It turns out that I wasn't doing anything wrong, until I stopped writing here. Sure I've cataloged some stories in my physical journals, and I contributed a few submissions to another site that I'm certainly proud of - in it's own respects.

All of that being said, I'm welcoming myself back.

I signed up for an online writing course, for children's books. I know, I know - me influencing children?! I'm a little afraid too. BUT I do have some amazingly talented artists in my life that are already scurrying for their paintbrushes and sketchpads to help with illustrations and bringing characters to life! I figure if I, and my pack of misfits have grown up SO incredibly awesome - we might as well spread that gospel! Right? Right!

Additionally, today I took my emotions to the mat. The yoga mat. And boy did we come to blows. My body is rigid and wobbly. And by the end, during meditations, I was crying my little peepers out. The release of that negativity is just the beginning, I know that. I have no doubt that I'm going to have many more sessions with tears and fumbling before I find my roots in this mat and in my person. I pay no service to my friends, and more importantly myself if I lack as much balance as I currently do. It is VERY important that I regain control of my breathing and letting go of everything else.

Watch out, the the mat hits back...

In Remembrance

Today, he would have turned 37. There would have been singing, lots of singing. He loved when everyone was belting out songs, he didn't care if you could carry a tune as long as you did it with gumption. 

He died, unexpectedly, three and half years ago. Part of my world stopped that day. He was my high school sweetheart. My biggest cheerleader, as well as my biggest pain in my ass. 

He taught me how to love with abandon like only a teenage girl would understand. He forced me to mend my broken heart, (that he caused), taught me how to be angry (again that he caused) and how to forgive (because you never stop loving that first love). In the 15 years we graced each other lives we ran the spectrum of relationships from friends, to lovers, then enemies and finally friends again.

Rarely do several days pass that something about that man doesn't cross my mind. I see him all over this city, even though we have no memories here. I have no doubt that he still watches over me, pushes me and helps me learn valuable lessons. 

Today I live for you, Jason Kirby, our friendship and our unconditional love. And I'm thankful to my friends, still with me, that help me celebrate and remember you. And grateful for your family that continues to keep your spirit alive and me in their hearts with you. Always. 

The MAIN Event. Chattanooga style.

This coming weekend is home to my favorite event of the year in Chattanooga. The event is MainX24! I'm not 100% certain why it's my favorite. Could be that during this time of year, people are a little merrier and drunker. Could be that I love that my wonderful hometown will use ANY excuse to celebrate itself (anyone else remember the font party?). Maybe I like that the Southside hosts a variety of people, businesses, and events for 24 hours straight, and that's still not enough time for everything.

Whatever the reason, this year I was sure I was going to miss out. I live 5 hours away by car.  Money is tighter than I'd like. It's an exhausting event and I'll have to drive home Sunday. But I'm throwing all those reasons out the door because I made a promise this year that I wouldn't say "NO" to things I really wanted to do. I'd find the money. I'd find the time. This year is about doing.

I've relocated, I've gone to England, I've taken MANY mini road trips. All of that without worrying. And this weekend, I'm going home. I'm having pancakes with the Mayor, I'm having elderflower mimosas, I'm watching adults participate in a big wheel race, I'm eating chili and I'm watching the weirdest parade I've ever witnessed. Then I'm watching Trombone Shorty play at Track29. Because I can.

I intend to indulge with my friends. (overly)

Memory recall...

My memory is a tricky thing. I store certain events and articles without thought or intent. Other happenings, I can't hold onto hard enough. The Good Doctor tells me that the brain stores things largely based on self preservation, in with the good and out with the bad. 

Strangely, I barely remember my best friend's phone number. But I do recall the birthday of a man I met once. In a bar. While intoxicated. Several years ago. I remember the first words he spoke, what he was wearing, how he smelled and even tasted. 

I remember the color of the cup I used at the last thanksgiving I spent with my ex husband's family over ten years ago. 

I'm not sure that either of those examples are still so vivid because of any type of self preservation. Those are the types of things that should be fleeting. I should recall a thanksgiving dinner, sure. And maybe I should even recall a random handsome stranger. But not with such detail that I feel like it just happened. 

Lately, I'm not certain I'm storing much of anything. I can't recall without much deliberation some of the events that happened within only the past few months. Maybe someday in the future they'll come washing over me. Or maybe my brain said "out with the bad!".  I can't say for sure, but I want more memories like the random handsome stranger...

My overnight with Walt Disney...

Last night I made the jaunt over to Hilton Head Island to spend an evening (then night and part of today) with my friend Kim and her family. We had the pleasure of staying in a villa at the Disney Resort, thanks to a dear friend with vacation points and a last minute change of plans. 

Now, as you may or may not know, I'm not a "Disney person". Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some of the movies and I'm always game for a park with roller coasters. But I find the fact that employees are called "cast members" and that the little bastards are everywhere a bit unsettling. I get that they're creating an experience and it's part of the brand, I'm just not a into the stage 5 clinger types. 

They greet you everywhere you go by saying "Welcome Home". I suppose since it's a time share, membership resort...it's kinda the member's home. They do pay for the privelage of the club and it's benefits. 

Everyone takes their job very seriously and appear to have a seamless system. Nothing is ever dirty and there is always a person within ten feet to ask questions. We made jokes all day that we'd stumbled into the Truman Show!

The Disney Beach House is less than 2 miles from the Resort proper...and they serve booze there! It's past mid-November and I'm poolside (it's a heated pool) with a daquarri, travel magazine and the ocean steps away. Winning!

Living back on the coast has made me remember why I hold onto the summer for so long! Rum of the gods (as Dan says), salty breezes and the laughter of your close friends. 

Magical. Thanks, Walt. 

Kim, Dan & I with our 1st visit pins!

Kim and I with sippy cups, it's a family establishment!

He's one of those stage 5 clingers mentioned earlier!

I love when it's difficult to tell when the sky ends and the ocean begins!

All those little personal touches...

Photo re-cap! I've been busy!!

Over the past few weeks, I've had the unique pleasure of seeing so many of my wonderful friends, (and making some new ones). I haven't slowed down, and I couldn't be more excited about it!

Jamie, my mix tape, and I had some (spiked) butter beer in the Harry Potter world at Universal Studios. We also had a blast going through haunted houses and reconnecting with our inner children. Jamie, my adventuress. 

My beautiful best friend, my Hippo, Tracy, came for an extended weekend. We had sweet tea vodka, and laughed until we cried. We lazily watched an entire season of Orange is the New Black and basked in the glory that only a hippo-lobster can create. No one could possibly understand the courage that this tiny force of a woman gives me!

    (Seriously, we can't help ourselves)

Carolyn, my ninja, my fancy friend. She's my partner of understanding. I love that she was here and had the ability to let her hair down and embrace her silliness. I know she has to be WAY too adult 98% of the time and I'm honored to be a safe place for her to relax. 

Oh Pookie, Rob, my original partner in crime in Savannah. While he lives here, I'm glad that he's been a participant in the last few week's visits and that he so easily transitions into all the compartments of my life. 

                 (He judges us all...)

The other Rob. We're bonded by several cities and it always a hoot to have a drink (or few) with him. 

This guy, Ryan, he's new on the scene. But he's been my incredibly handsome host throughout the city over the past couple weeks. He's been a doll to my friends, and has introduced me to so many new and fun people! (To say I feel like a lucky girl is an understatement!)

I'm happy. Come visit soon!!

'Tis the season...almost!

Holy shit! Xmas is right around the corner. Just yesterday, Jonathan and I heard holiday tunes coming from a nearby church's bell tower.

Personally, it all feels a little too soon. Don't get me wrong, Xmas is pretty and festive and people give you stuff. It's not necessary anything you wanted or needed, but they thought of you and it's sweet. (And stressful)

I don't actually buy gifts for many people. Really it's probably less than a handful. My nieces and nephews don't need anything, nor do my siblings. So it generally comes down to a select number or friends and any obligatory "dirty Santa" or "white elephant" type parties. 

I've started collecting a few samples of potential gifts for this holiday season:

Who doesn't love fake meat smells?! This candle is necessity dammit. 

FREE?! What's better than that?! (Pet not included)

Inappropriate AND useful! (Why does he look so angry? He's getting a blowjob)

Everybody Poos! Totes handy!! And travel sized. 

Admit it, everyone wants a voodoo doll kit!

I'm sorry, what?! "New Baby" voodoo kit?! Well...it kinda makes sense. 

I'm always looking for great ideas, let me know if you see any "must haves"!!