Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Low Budget Wednesday

Generally speaking, Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week.  I get annoyed when people refer to it as "humpday" or that try to tell me "oh but you're halfway through the week!".  Fuck you and just stop it.

When I woke up this morning I was cranky and still tired from a night of fitful dreams and fighting monsters in my sleep.  I thought great, must be Wednesday...However, today the universe seems to have thrown me a bone. (pun kinda intended... humpday, ha!)

It all started with a wonderful tweet by Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) that said "when my little niece cries I tell her one day a japanese businessman will pay her to day that".  I share that here because, first I still find it incredibly funny and second it's my blog and the catalyst to my story. Initially I only planned to share that story with my friend, Turtle, because his sense of humor equals mine in warped perspective. Then! I got the unsuspecting pleasure of meeting the refrigerator repair man at my boss' house.  I know, I know already I'm being set up for a porn.  Turtle even suggested that I call and order a pizza  just to make things interesting.  I said "great my morning is going to end in a Chinese Finger Cuff". (Urban Dictionary that, I'm certainly not going to explain it)

If you did as you were told and went to Urban Dictionary the next part of this conversation will make sense, if you didn't good luck.

Turtle: Is there an official way of indicating you're ready to switch out? Is it like a wrestling high-five or...?
Me: Off the top rope! (Man I hope so)
Turtle: Haha. So do you organize the transitions or do the particiapants? I'm sure it would be difficult to speak. Maybe you do hand gestures? lol. Ok. I've officially taken it too far.
Me: Tap. Out.
Turtle: I give! I give!

Around this time I realize that the repair guy has had to call for back up.  I'm not kidding.  Let's call a plumber and a pool boy and get this party going!  Not to mention the uncomfortable amount of stuffed waterfowl throughout the house.  As I'm describing this scene to Turtle he says "Perfect setting.  Is there a hideous fur rug and a leather couch? That's the ultimate back drop for our story."

I swear, I can't make this shit up.  Sadly, not every Wednesday is like this.  It's a rare occasion that I walk onto a porno set.  There is a mighty lack of shiny, well lit orgasms in my life...

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